So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
