Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
