When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
