He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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