the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
