I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
