I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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