Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
