You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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