he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
