I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
