You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
