Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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