Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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