the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
