The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
