we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
