My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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