Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
