I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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