I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
