my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
