when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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