I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
