I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
