omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
