every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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