Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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