coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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