i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
