she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
