If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
