Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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