Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Acid is not a monday night drug
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
