That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
