I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
