You made me cry and you don't even care
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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