Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
