Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
