so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
