Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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