I feel like I'm in dance class right now
we made out on top of his cat.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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