take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
