I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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