sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
