Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
