I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
