is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
