My sheets look like a crime scene.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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