So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
