Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
