i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
